Methuselah Viágra

Here at ChemiKon Industries, we believe that age should halt no man! That’s why we have formulated a brand-new type of Viagra for the over 80s. This drug will be a heart-stopper, but only in the romantic sense (nervous laugh). Time waits for no man and the older generation are acutely aware of this eternal truth. The refractory period (rebound) for older men is actually 20 hours on average. People have been pronounced dead in less. No one deserves a mini corpse in their boxers! However, with this little blue pill and the Will to perform, the sky’s the limit.

Why have we given the product a special name? Well, Methuselah had the sort of biblical prowess that only chemists and porn stars dream about. The man fathered a child when aged almost 200, now that’s style. Such potency can be yours too. Be a demi-God in the bedroom and remind your partner of your heyday.

We advise beginning with our 25mg tablet, especially if the ‘beast’ has been hibernating since the millennium. It’s also best to schedule a post-coital recuperation of probably several days duration. Don’t worry, you’ll be sending us a thank-you letter from your rest bed.

Don’t wait, just drop by your friendly local pharmacist and ask for Methuselah Viágra today.

Enjoy!

Terms & Conditions _{& warnings}

Doses above 25mg may cause groin rash, neck stiffness, hives, severe ball ache, and occasional homosexuality.

Last wills and testaments should all be in order before taking any performance enhancing drugs. This is a sensible precaution rather than an ominous, moralistic, finger-wagging warning.

Free earplugs come with each purchase (wives, husbands, lovers, and sometimes even neighbours will inevitably complain to you about orifice ache in the coming weeks).

ChemiKon Industries is a subsidiary of, and largely funded by, Palmerton Funeral Homes Inc.

© K. Bythesea 2025.